Until Christmas
by Fayr
Summary: Junato Christmas fic.


This is for Yama's Bi-atch's X-Mas contest and if people are wondering why I'm not working on my other fics, refer to my rants, er, notes below.

Disclaimer: . . . Duh.

Until Christmas

Jun ran the brush through her hair once more before setting it down. She stared at herself in the mirror over the sink, giving herself a brief, half-hearted smile. The stiff, spiky hair which had been teased and played with for over an hour, used almost half a can of hairspray and a comb, then the inch-thick layer of make-up applied painstakingly through another hour and a half, made her smile again, but this time with self-deprecating indulgence. She briefly touched her reflection in the mirror, trying to reassure herself that the person there was not real. That _she_ was something more than this made-up shell.

Drawing in a deep breath to dispel the anxiety fluttering in her stomach, she turned around to place her hand on the doorknob, only to jump back in surprise when it began shaking from the pounding of an impatient sibling. 

"Jun! How much longer are you planning to stay in there?! Until Christmas is over?" 

Jun let out her pent up breath and assumed a frown. Yanking the door forcefully, she directed this frown down to her shorter brother, "I'll have you know that it is vitally important that a girl gets her washroom time in the morning, _and_ that Christmas is only three days away!" 

"Whatever," was all Jun heard before Davis slipped past her into the bathroom and slammed the door in her face. 

"Hmph," she muttered, "Rude." 

"Better than being a hog!" Davis shot back through the door. 

She shrugged and went to her room to collect her bookbag. As she picked it up, a slip of paper fluttered to the floor. She stared at the bright piece of paper announcing the tenth annual Snowball Dance at HieghtonView High and clenched a fist against her chest, the memory of another embarrassing rejection searing through her mind.   
  


The day had started out like any other. The crisp winter air razed her bare cheeks to a bright blush that emphasized the paleness around her eyes and lent a dramatic fire to her hair. Piles of snow were packed high on each side of the sidewalk, although a small layer of new fallen snow dusted the cement underfoot. As her feet crunched closer to the school, she lost herself in the comforting sound and tried to prepare herself for the day.

She walked on to school, ignoring the whispers and giggles of two obnoxious girls as she walked by. She tried to look straight ahead and keep her chin up like she didn't notice what was happening around her, and reminded herself repeatedly that no one could do anything to her. She made her eyes as vacant as possible so that no one could see past the shallow exterior and see the ugly wad of pain and emotion behind her facade. 

Jun kept her eyes on a point somewhere in front of her, but the snubbing was still noticeable. This girl would catch a sight of her and suddenly had a very keen interest in her conversation with the boy who quickly turned away to listen to the girl with laughably fake fascination. Then another group of giggling girls would quickly speed up with snatches of their conversation floating back to her ears, 

"Oh no! Its Jun!"   
  
"Jeez, do you think she does that on purpose?" 

"I don't think anyone can!" 

"Just hurry!" 

Jun's chin dipped a bit, but her made-up face refused to show any emotion other than the one she had painted on. That of a happy, naive girl. She kept her gait steady, forced her eyes to stay vacant and cheerful, tightening the twisted wad in her heart until she was numb. 

When she entered the school, the other students jostled past her waving to friends and saying hellos to acquaintances, but none spared her a wave or even a hello. Most of them loitered around their lockers, laughing and talking happily with friends waiting to one side, books tucked securely under one arm, or headed towards class complaining of yesterday's homework assignment. One male student was even brave enough to get behind her to flip her stiff hair then shout condescendingly, "Hey! I think I found my dead pet rat!"

Jun hunched her shoulders, trying to run away, but the male student wouldn't let her. Barring her way he placed a hurtful look on his face while at the same time maintaining a hateful sneer. 

"Wait a minute. You still have my rat and I want you to give it back!" He punctuated this statement with a hard yank. Jun let out an involuntary cry and slapped his hand. 

"Ow!"

"Why don't you stop, Hoshiro?" Jun's eyes were wide with fear, but they quickly hardened, "Or do you want me to tell the teacher?" 

He grinned, "Oh, yes. Our own little cry baby and suck up ready to go into action again." He snorted. "This isn't worth getting into detention." 

As he walked away, the gathered students quickly resumed their businesses, but most of them glanced at Jun occasionally with more than distaste on their faces, thinking of how little backbone this pathetic person had, always having to run to the teacher to solve her problems for her. Jun stood there for a moment, letting the fine trembling in her arms slowly subside. She closed her eyes briefly to block out the stares she was receiving and compose her thoughts, cocooning them behind an invisible darkness. Her gaze darted quickly from student to student, and finding no sympathy, squared her shoulder and lifted her chin, then strode down the hall confidently. 

Later in the day, she was standing in the lunchline wondering what to have; the gray matter or the brown goo when someone bumped into he from behind. 

"Oops. Sorry about that—Jun!" 

"Matt!" she sang happily. Slowly, the bundle in her chest began to unravel, a small ray of happiness timidly peeked out. Matt was always nice to everyone; no matter who they were, he was always polite and with him she could maintain an illusion of familiarity. 

'Ah-heh-heh. Umm. . . ." Matt searched around desperately, trying to find a way out. 

Jun could see it. The quick shifting of his blue eyes as he tried to find an excuse and his moving back and forth on one foot to another. Her eyes darkened. She knew she should let him go, but it was hard. 

"Uh . . . uh . . . so have you heard about the dance?" she blurted out. 

Matt gave a barely perceptible sigh and resigned himself to his fate, "Um, yeah. . . ." 

Noticing the sigh, the tight sensation in her chest closed, gripping her heart even harder. She felt invisible walls slowly rise to cocoon herself in a protective embrace and surrounded like this, she watched through the eyes of a shell to feel a puppet talk excitedly about nothing and everything. She took note of the fact that they were now seated at a table, with Matt looking extremely bored while she talked on endlessly. Jun looked on through a tunneled vision, feeling faintly relieved that everything felt numb. That even the feeling of being relieved was dumbed down so that she wasn't quite sure if it really was an emotion at all. 

Several times she tried to fight free of the lull in the shell, but just as quickly she rejected the idea when her throat became choked up and she thought of the humiliation she would suffer. _'Not to someone as nice as Matt. I couldn't bear it!'_

That sat like that for several minutes. Jun going on about any topic which popped into her head, and Matt nodding dumbly, trying to give some semblance of interest, until finally, a break was offered to Matt as Sora walked over, a sympathetic smile on her face. Watching her approach, from behind her invisible darkness, Jun could feel a stab of jealousy pierce her momentarily and bring her back into the shell. 

"Look, Jun, I'm sorry, but I have to go." 

"SodoyouwanttogototheSnowballDance?!" 

"Huh?" 

"Do you want to go?" Jun wanted to run. What in the word had prompted her to say that! She was going to be so embarrassed! Why _him?!_

"Oh, but I, um . . . uh . . . but I . . . but I . . ." 

"Already have a date." Sora slipped beside him and gave Jun a sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry, Jun. But I already asked him to go with me." 

"You did? Oh, yes! Yes, she did! Uh, sorry, Jun." Matt exclaimed quickly. 

"Oh. Okay." 

She left quietly. Matt and Sora stared at her in surprise when not a whimper of sound came from her lips or the expected tantrum. Jun could feel their perplexed gazes as she walked out of the cafeteria.

Frowning and without a second look Jun exited her bedroom. 

Already the whispers were starting. The two girls from yesterday were commenting snidely on how foolish it would look if someone as cool as Matt were to go out with the most pathetic geek at school, but luckily Sora had already asked him out, and she was too cool. They would make the perfect couple. They saw her approach and quickly turned away, walking as fast as possible. 

_'They're right. He's too cool for someone like you. He's too nice, too. He deserves better. Like Sora.'_

Jun kept her face carefully impassive. Again the comforting walls of invisible darkness surrounded her, muffling the sounds and gossip around her. Softly muffling the pain in her heart. She walked on confidently, unable to feel anything, sight blurred, and hearing plugged so she could ignore everything else. 

With a plastic smile pasted on and stiff hair bouncing happily, she entered the school. Firmly placed behind the layers of make-up, she could see the kinder students quickly avert their eyes, while the others openly smiled cattily and pointed her out to friends. But even with all the obvious talk, she could feel nothing. It was all wrapped up too tightly for her unravel. Surrounded and smothered by the gentle darkness, she survived until lunch in a daze. 

It was inevitable. She knew she deserved it, but it still shocked her all the same. 

She was just sitting down in the corner, away from all the busy eyes of students who were bored. The first awareness she had of Hoshiro's presence, was not until he'd already pulled a chair up and was seated comfortably before her. By then it was too late for her to make a dignified getaway.

She stared suspiciously at him for several minutes as he smiled back cheekily, but could not discern his motivation. She was ready to leave with a stiff "Excuse me," when he spoke up loudly.

"Hey."

She glared at him and refused to answer. 

"Well, y'know, I was just wondering, how do you get the _guts_ to ask Matt Ishida out. I mean this is _Matt Ishida._ How do you do it?" 

"Leave me alone." She whispered. 

"What? What's that? But why? I heard you monopolized Ishida's time yesterday when he wanted to spend it with Takenouchi. Say, did you know _they're _going to the dance together?" 

Her voice was stronger this time, albeit a bit wavery, "Leave me alone!" 

His eyes glinted cruelly, "Why? Aww, don't tell me, you're ready to cry?!" He grinned when Jun blinked rapidly, dispelling the tears. "Well why doncha just tell the teacher on me, eh? 'Boo-hoo-hoo, Mr. Teacher, I'm crying 'cause I can't go to th'dance with Matt!' You're really something, y'know that, Motomiya?" 

"Why are you telling me this?" 

"Because you're a bit*h, that's why! I can't understand how someone as pathetic as you can go around asking _people_ to go out with you. Do you know how degrading it would be t'some people? And not to mention people, who are too nice and too cool, like Ishida, who probably wouldn't say no 'cause they don't want to hurt your feelings! A word of advice, Motomiya, _don't_ ask anyone else out, you're just gonna make him suffer!" 

By now, he had attracted the attention of quite a few students sitting at the nearby tables. On the opposite side of the room, the group of friends he was usually found with was looking at the scene with interest and not a few of them were trying to stifle nasty smiles behind their hands. A couple were even giving Jun sympathetic looks, but they made no move to stop Hoshiro's rant. 

Jun placed a hand on her chest wondering how a person's heart could ache so much. She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears back. _'It's true. Everything he says is true! Who would want . . . someone like me?'_

"Are you gonna cry?" Hoshiro's face twisted cruelly, "C'mon, why don't you cry and scream and get me in trouble?! I know you wanna do that! But it doesn't change the fact that you're a stuck-up snob and a bratty, spoiled little girl. Why don't you leave Ishida alone? He obviously doesn't want you around!" 

Jun blinked again, but this time she painstakingly gathered the invisible darkness around herself again and carefully kept her eyes vacant. She looked up at Hoshiro, who started in surprise at the emptiness he found in her brown eyes. Her voice was bright and modulated, "Is that all? Then excuse me, Hoshiro." 

_'I won't cry. I won't cry.'_

Again, as she walked out of the cafeteria silently, one pair of eyes followed her, perplexed and more than a bit guiltily. 

  
Matt was on his way to the cafeteria after getting out of the music room late. He sighed happily, satisfied with the progress his band had made in the past hour, although he hadn't meant to get into that argument with their drummer. He'd have to talk to Hoshiro and he sure wasn't going to apologize. Hoshiro had had no business talking of Jun like that! She may be a bit annoying and came on strong at times, but there was no reason to pick on her when she wasn't even there to defend herself! He brushed golden bangs out of his eyes and reached for the cafeteria door. Just as he touched the handle, it swung open to reveal a strangely subdued Jun.

"Oh. Matt."

"Ah, hey, Jun!"

Without another word, the red-haired girl brushed past him and continued on her way. Matt stared at her retreating figure, noticing how her shoulders gradually slumped and her head dipped lower with each step and he frowned, but in the end, opened the door and went into the cafeteria, assuring himself that she would find her friends and talk it out with them. But even when the last bell of the day rang, his mind was still occupied with visions of a lonely form walking away from him.

Students were disgorged from the school in record time as students ran or walked out, eager to have some fun before they returned home. Groups wandered aimlessly over the campus as others prepared for after school activities and it was among this confusion that a lone Jun walked quickly away from the school, barely noticing how the chattering girls earlier that morning were now directing kind looks towards her. They made no move to show anything else beyond that. 

_'Stop that. . . . I don't want your pity.'_

She quickened her steps, and zipped home in record time. Slamming the door shut, she announced her presence to an empty apartment, then headed directly to the bathroom. Turning the taps on to full blast, she rapidly scrubbed her face and washed the hair spray our of her red locks. When she felt like her cheeks had been scraped raw and her hair drenched to the skull, she paused to look at herself in the mirror, but just as quickly turned away when she beheld the image of something akin to a drowned cat. 

Blow-drying her hair took a few minutes. Only a few more found her changed into a warm, comfortable turtle neck and sweater combination with a pair of jeans. She was rooting through her closet when the front door slammed and a certain annoying little brother announced his return. A heartbeat later, he'd appeared at her bedroom door and was looking at her curiously as she found the item in her closet and pulled it out with a triumphant shout.

"Are you gonna skate?"

"Yeah," she slipped on a heavy coat, then slung the skates over her shoulders.

Davis scratched his cheek thoughtfully, "You haven't done that for, what, two and a half years now?"

"Yeah," She looked at her goggled brother curiously, "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," he hesitated, "Actually I was just wondering why'd you quit. You were pretty good before."

"No reason," she responded. _'Except I was lonely.'_

"Oh. Well I'll tell Mom and Dad you're at the . . . wait a minnut, where are you going?"

"To Yabi Pond."

"'Kay. Don't drown or anything."

Jun made a face, "Yeah right, how about I drown _you?_"

As his form disappeared, Davis' voice floated back, "Ha. Try it!"

Her brown eyes glinted sadly as she stared at the pale laces of her old skates. It had been a long time. They were a source of happiness and a reminder of all that she had missed. How she hated them so. And how she missed them.

She clenched her fist momentarily and took a deep breath. She opened her eyes as she released it and within their brown depths a small twinkle glinted timidly.

Matt sat back and closed his eyes, letting the gentle breeze ruffle his blonde hair and dry the sweat on his brow. Laughter and the soft scratching of skates against the ice drifted back to him as let his battered body relax atop the wooden bench, easily picking out the low tenor of his little brother's voice and the higher soprano of his girlfriend, Kari. The sharp scent of pine mixed with fresh fallen snow tickled his nose and he looked up at the green boughs heavy with snow above. He glared at it and mentally dared the trees to lower their freezing burden onto him. After the wind passed and seeing that he was in danger of receiving an unexpected blanket of heavy snow, Matt closed his blue eyes and leaned back into the trunk again.

The bench shook slightly as another body joined him where he sat. Without opening his eyes he spoke, "What do you want, TK?"

"Why aren't you skating?"

"Look, I only promised Mom I would watch you two. I never said anything about skating."

TK remained insistent. "C'mon Matt, it's fun!"

"Fun?" Matt opened one eye to glare at his brother's childishly innocent face, although he suspected some of that innocence was being acted out right now, "You call falling on my butt about fifty times, fun? I don't want to know what your definition of misery is, Squirt, and I sure as hell don't want to skate no more!"

"Aw, Matt, you weren't . . . that . . . bad. . . ." TK trailed off to look up at the branches, twiddling his thumbs.

Matt snorted, "I had as much grace as Gabumon in high heels and don't you deny it."

"Well I think Gabumon might do better in high heels than you think, so I bet his partner might do better than he thinks in skates." TK chuckled and pulled on Matt's arm, "Come on, Matt. Kari's waiting."

Matt sputtered and protested, but in the end he followed TK back onto the treacherous ice. He staggered and slipped twice before reaching the main body of skaters in the middle of the pond.

"TK!" Kari's voice rang as pure as a bell across the pond, and the younger blonde whipped his head up at the sound of the voice.

Matt chuckled and shakily stood on his own, carefully pushing his brother in the direction of Kari's voice. "You go ahead. I'll try this on my own again."

"No way, Matt. We'll help you."

But Matt waved him off, "Don't worry, I'll get the hang of it and I can't embarrass myself anymore than I've already have. Go on." He shooed his brother again when he didn't leave right away, but TK left eventually, casting doubtful glances behind his shoulder as he went.

After TK had disappeared into the crowd, Matt let out a huge sigh of resignation and took a tentative step forward. This resulted in his back leg to start slipping, which resulted in his arms to windmill excessively, which resulted in him losing his balance even more. So he stood there for a few moments, doing a strange backhand stroke dance as his legs kicked wildly for purchase, until the inevitable happened. He fell.

Matt carefully opened one squinted blue eye to stare up into a pair of surprised brown ones. The first thing he noticed was how dark and beautifully deep they were. The second thing he noticed was something soft and warm was pushed against his back instead of the expected unrelenting ice.

"Uh. . . ." he said intelligently.

"Are you okay, Matt?" 

"Huh?" he responded wittingly.

The person moved back, allowing Matt to stand and turn around. Or he _tried_ to stand and turn around, but the slippery ice seemed to shift under his feet, so he ended up stumbling and grabbing the nearest available object with dear life. From somewhere above him a voice asked teasingly, "So, I guess Matt Ishida doesn't skate much."

"Hey, do I know you?" He then noticed what he was holding onto. It was the waist of a girl. 

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Blushing to the hairline, Matt tried to stand and push the strange girl away at the same time, but this only made him lose his balance again and sent him into another round of windmilling. 

"Ah!"

"Hey!"

He caught a flash of red as the girl reached to steady him. She was successful in grabbing his hand, unfortunately, Matt also managed to grab a hold of her again, and she was pulled along as Matt finally touched the cold ice underneath. They landed in a tangle of arms and legs, the girl's impact softened by the blonde-haired boy when he pulled her close to protect her from the ice. They laid there for a moment trying to catch their breath as passerbys looked at them in amusement and carefully avoided them.

Finally Matt carefully extricated himself from the girl and sat up, helping her as she did the same.

Blushing again, he scratched the back of his head, "I'm sorry about that."

"That's okay, Matt."

He looked up when he heard his name, "Hey do I know you—Jun!"

She smiled faintly, "Yes?"

"Oh! Um . . . um . . . I'msorryyoulooknice!" Matt almost groaned in embarrassment. He had _not_ meant to say that, but the truth was, she _did_ look nice. Her face was devoid of all make-up, but her cheeks were red from the cold air, emphasizing her large brown eyes, and now that her hair was washed of the hair spray, it fell in soft waves to her shoulder and framed an extremely cute face. Matt felt his face heating up again.

She tilted her head, merriment twinkling in her eyes, "You're sorry I look nice? Or sorry you pulled me down?"

"No! Yes! I mean . . ." Matt just stared at her unable to find any more words. Then finally groaned in frustration. He covered his face with one hand, "I meant . . . I meant I'm sorry I pulled you down with me and I," he peeked at her through his fingers, swallowing with a faint pink still tingeing his cheeks, he continued, "and I think you . . . look . . . nice. . . ."

Jun blinked in surprise, then twirled her hair self –consciously. She coughed once before responding, "Um . . . Th-thanks." 

They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Then Jun stood up to brush herself off and began skating away, "Well, sorry 'bout that, Matt. I'll see you later."

"Look, Jun," Matt shouted to her retreating back, "I'm really sorry about the dance. And I'm . . ." _'sorry about Hoshiro, too.'_

She turned with a small, sad smile, "Don't worry about it, Matt. You just have fun."

"But-but I feel that I should . . ." Matt didn't want to finish the sentence. It would look like he was feeling sorry for her.

She tilted her head to one side, then smiled brightly, "You look like you could use some lessons," she skated back to him and offered a hand, "Want me to teach you?"

"Uh, sure. Thanks," Matt smiled and took the proffered hand, only to land on his butt again after an attempt to stand up.

Laughing heartily, Jun offered both hands to help Matt slip, slide, and waver his way up into a standing position. Jun waited while Matt fought to straighten his legs, then push himself slowly from her shoulders to stand on his own. He took a tentative step forward only to bend over double to try to maintain his balance. Giving another giggle, Jun deftly skated behind him to latch onto his waist.

"Alright, Matt, this is what we'll do. You just stand still and I'll push you forward. Keep your legs straight."

Her warm breath tickled his ear imperceptively and Matt had to shake his head to clear the fuzziness that suddenly began to build inside his brain. He surprised to say the least. There was . . . something . . . different about Jun today, and it wasn't the lack of make-up or stiff hair. He glanced behind at the her cheerful countenance. Her face was red from the cold, true, but there was something else about it. Something that made her seem glow. 

"Ready?" Jun gave him only a moment to register her question, then she pushed him forward.

Matt gave a shout of surprise, but managed to stay in a standing position.

"But, Jun, what if I fall?!"

"Just fall onto me, I'll catch you! Let's go faster!"

"AHHHHHHH!" 

An hour later, Jun managed to lead Matt around by his hands instead of from behind, and Matt managed to skate without falling with every step. By silent agreement, they slowly drifted closer to the edge of the pond, and when they were close enough to the bench Matt had vacated before, they sat down with happy sighs. This time the silence between the teens was comfortable and relaxed. Their breathing slowed gradually as they stared contentedly at the group of people enjoying themselves. They laughed, skating in groups and supporting each other on the slippery ice, or the more experienced went on alone in fast and tight circles in the middle, while some skated leisurely, arm in arm with a loved one. Then the sun slowly peeked out from a cloud and cast the ice to glow and sparkle like a child had sprinkled a bottle of glitter all over. 

They leaned back against the tree, happily tired. Matt glanced at his red-haired companion wonderingly. Her bright, brown eyes were half-closed at the moment as they contemplated the many people gathered on the ice. At the moment, she looked like a fiery angel against the backdrop of pure-white snow. His breath caught in his throat. _'I think I could like you, Jun.'_ Then the wind caressed a wisp of hair onto her flushed cheek, and without thinking, Matt reached over to tuck it behind her ear. The soft flesh beneath his finger became even hotter, and she turned to regard him curiously. He smiled sheepishly, dropping his hand and sitting back.

"Sorry about that."

"No," Not breaking their eye contact, her hand fluttered to the spot that he had touched. "That's okay."

They lapsed into another comforting silence, a million questions tumbling to Matt's lips as they just stared at each other. As she continued to gaze into his eyes, a hope, softly trembling, like a new born butterfly, fluttered in her heart. A hope that finally there was someone to see her as _her_. That her comforting world of invisible walls could be shattered, but she would not have to fall, and instead be captured in a warm embrace that would not judge. 

But softly, Matt lowered his eyes, dispelling the illusion, breaking the silence, "I didn't know you were such a great skater."

"Most people don't." And slowly the butterfly fell, its body too heavy for the fragile wings.

Matt stared at her, but she refused to meet his eyes, opting instead to keep her eyes down, "Oh. So when did you start learning?"

"When I was about four years old."

"Wow. That was young! Do you still skate?"

". . . No."

"Why not?"

Jun finally looked him. Her eyes had changed a great deal from merriment to empty husks. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I want to know," Matt frowned uncomfortably. "Why won't you tell me? Is it because your family wouldn't allow you to?"

"No."

"Then why—"

"Because it's none of your business, that's why!" Jun stared off at the gaggle of people. Matt looked at her silently, seeing the red-haired girl in totally new light, but remained silent, waiting for her to make the next move.

"Because I began to hate it." 

The whisper was so low, he would have missed it if he hadn't been paying attention. Matt stared at the thinning group of skaters and waited patiently for her to continue.

"Because it was making me miserable."

". . . How?"

"It made me too happy."

"What?!" Matt whipped his gaze back to her in surprise. "But why . . . ?"

Jun looked at him with dark eyes, heavy with remembered sorrow, "I've never really had much friends."

A pang gripped the blonde's heart. He knew what that was like. He knew exactly how that felt like, but in his case, he had been lucky enough to meet the digidestined.

"And the ones I did have were never really close. Because at that time, skating was my life and I had little time for friends, but," Jun swallowed, blinking rapidly, and then stared off into the distance again, "but it was always so hard. So _hard_. I wanted . . . I wanted to be happy. Not just on the ice, but with my friends as well. But we started drifting, I could see that, and I guess," Jun paused to swallow the lump growing rapidly in her throat, "I guess it was all my fault. I couldn't be happy with my friends, so I started spending more time in the ice rink, but once I got off . . ." Jun turned to Matt with a watery smile, "I'm sorry, this is so stupid," she bowed her head, whispering, "I hate it so much because it made me happy."

Matt opened his mouth to reassure her, but Jun continued quickly, "No!" _'Matt, I think I . . .'_

"But I—"

"Don't say anything, Matt. I shouldn't have told you anything," she got up babbling mindlessly. _'I think I . . . hate you'_

"Jun—"

"And I'm sorry, but I have to go or my parents will _kill _me and . . .and just forget everything, okay?" _'Because you're starting to make me happy . . .'_

She skated off. Seeing that he couldn't follow her without falling over, he shouted instead, "But you love to skate, Jun! I could see it when you were with me!"

She paused momentarily, then turned around without a bright smile, "Or maybe it was the company! I had fun, Matt! See you tomorrow!" _'Because I'll never be the one you'll want . . .'_

"Jun, wait! Wait!"

TK and Kari skated up to him then. They cocked their head questioningly at Matt after they saw the Jun's retreating figure. 

"What happened, Matt?" TK's bright blue eyes regarded his elder brother seriously.

"I-I don't know, Squirt," he stared at his hands, "I think I feel bad. . . ."

Jun stared at herself in the mirror. All night she had run the events of the past afternoon in her head, unbelieving of how forthright she had been. She could feel her face heat up, but staring at her reflection, she found her heavily applied make-up hid the traitorous flush. But Matt had been so . . . so _good_ to her. . . . How could she not have told him? Tweaking her hair one more time, she then opened the door to find her brown-haired brother with his mouth open to shout and one hand poised to pound on the door. He blinked.

Jun smirked, "A little late, brother-dear." She sauntered past him. 

She paused when he called back to her, "Y'know, Jun, I don't know why you do that to your face! You're a lot less ugly without all that make-up!" Then the bathroom door slammed and she was alone with her thoughts.

_'I don't remember when I started doing this. . . . Oh yes, that's right. . . . About two and a half years ago, when I . . .'_

She shook her head firmly, then grabbed her bag and headed out.

Hoshiro was waiting for her when she went to class. He looked uncomfortable.

"Look, Jun . . . yesterday, what I did . . . that was . . . that was uncalled for, y'know?"

She stared at him a moment, shock written all across her face, ". . . Why are you telling me this?"

"Because . . . because, I don't know. . . . You looked like you were maybe going to cry for real. . . ." He shrugged his shoulders uncertainly, "Did you?"

She just shook her head and stared at the ground.

"And well, maybe, well, I guess I kinda, started to feel sorry . . . after that," he stared up to the side somewhere over her left shoulder, refusing to meet her eyes when she brought them back up.

"Oh. So you felt sorry for me?"

"Huh? Well," he scratched the back of his head uncertainly, "I wouldn't say that . . . exactly, but it was just that, Matt was right, y'know?"

"Matt?"

"Oh," he laughed nervously, "he was just telling me this morning what a jack I've been, not just to him, but to ev'ryone else." He paused, "Especially you."

"So. Matt told you to apologize to me?" It was more a statement than a question.

He smiled sheepishly, "Well, sortof." 

"I see," she nodded curtly, "Thank-you, Hoshiro." Not giving him another glance, she strode into the classroom.

The last bell rang, announcing the commencement of winter break. As students ran or walked from the school building, all anyone could talk about was the Snowball Dance, to be held that night, Christmas Eve. As they walked home they chatted excitedly on about what they would wear and who would be with whom. Not surprisingly, Matt and Sora were the hottest couple being talked about. Surprisingly, though, the subject, himself, couldn't be bothered to hold true to such speculations.

"Jun!"

She started in surprise at the masculine voice. Quickly gathering her thoughts she turned with a bright smile, "Matt!"

He jogged the last few yards, not noticing the stares of the two girls behind him, or the open jaws of another group of students. "Hey, Jun! I wanted to talk to you."

Her smile cracked slightly, "What about?"

"Well," he shifted, "y'know, I wanted to know if you were alright after yesterday," he gazed into her eyes worriedly, "You were kindof upset."

_'Oh, that's right. You feel sorry for me. . . .'_

Matt's eyes widened in alarm when he witnessed a subtle, yet dramatic change in Jun's expression. Her eyes had been guarded before, but now he could see the light slowly seep out of them, leaving behind an empty husk. Her lips still smiled, so the vacancy lent an air of empty-headiness to Jun's countenance. Matt almost took an involuntary step back from the strangely familiar person in front of him. He'd never paid this much attention to Jun before and now seeing this, Matt reviewed his encounters with the red-haired girl with more than a bit of guilt, because he'd never realized. 

"Was I? Oh, Matt," she squealed, "It's so sweet of you worry!" She latched onto his arm and stared dreamily up into his eyes.

"Uh . . ." then his eyes darkened with sympathy and he placed a hand on her shoulder, "It's okay, Jun. You don't have to be like this."

"Be like what?" She blinked dumbly, smiling an empty smile, "I'm _always_ like this, silly!"

"But you weren't . . . yesterday." His voice was soft and kind.

She slowly lowered her head, hiding her face. "I don't want your pity."

He blinked in surprise, "Wha—?"

"And yesterday . . . just forget it!" She pushed away from him and ran, ignoring his cries to wait.

Matt stood there for a few minutes, wondering what he had done wrong. He'd just wanted to help her.

"Hi, Matt." It took only a moment for Sora to sense Matt's mood. "What's wrong?"

"Hm. Sora! Just the person I needed to see."

She laughed gaily, "Glad to be convenient!"

"Sora, how do you . . . get a girl out of her shell?"

"Well, it depends," Sora brought a finger to her lips in contemplation, "I mean if the girl is shy, you just have to talk to her and be really friendly."

"But what if that doesn't work? What if the girl won't talk to you?"

"Why are you asking me this, Matt?"

Matt stared off to the corner where he had last seen Jun before she'd disappeared, "Well, there's this girl . . ."

"I've figured that part out," Sora commented dryly.

"And well, I think I've been really unfair to her, but I don't know what I should do. I think I should talk to her or something and help her. Get her out of her shell."

"Well, then, now the situation is different. _You_ shouldn't talk to her, Matt."

He furrowed his blonde brows, "Why?"

"Because you're obviously doing this out of pity or some sense of making things right so that your conscience will be cleared. This would make it worse for her."

"Then what should I do?"

"Nothing."

"Then what about her?"

"I think you should just leave her alone. Her friends can help her be more social and you'd be surprised at how much people can change if given the right advice. But it wouldn't be fair if you were helping her because you felt guilty, Matt."

"I see." _'Is it because I feel guilty?'_

He brushed his golden hair nervously, then adjusted his tie, then straightened his black dress coat, and rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, the door opened to reveal a beautiful vision of an angel as Sora stepped back, letting the glow of the light fixture above gave her slim ice blue dress a shimmering quality which haloed her form. A matching wrap draped over her bare shoulders, giving her some protection against the cold winter air. Matt was breathless, but after a moment, a curious sense of disappointment pervaded his thoughts and he smiled quickly, trying to ignore the feeling.

Sora returned the smile, then called back to her mother, who insisted on taking picture after picture of her "angelic daughter" and her "handsome date".

After several minutes of being fussed over, Matt and Sora finally escaped. They were driven to the dance by Matt's father, who insisted on taking pictures, again once they had arrived at the school. They bore all this with good-natured silence and smiles. Then Mr. Ishida left and they turned as one to the waiting doors. They walked up the steps leading to the door in silence, but before they entered, Sora turned to Matt with a smile, "I know there's something on your mind, Matt. Why don't you just tell me?"

Matt stared at her silently, then gave a single nod. He led her off to the side of the building, allowing other students to pass.

"I feel like this isn't right, Sora. . . ."

Her eyes crinkled with understanding, "It's about Jun, isn't it?"

His blue eyes widened in surprise. He looked at the cinnamon-eyed girl in front of him with amazement as he wondered how a person could be so perceptive.

"Yeah."

"And she was the girl we were talking about this afternoon, wasn't she?"

Matt just shook his head and wondered again why he was so surprised by the depth of understanding coming from the girl in front of him.

"Yeah."

"And you remembered what I told you?"

He just nodded.

She sighed, "Matt, to tell you the truth, I want to have fun tonight, but I can't do that with a date whose mind is only half here. . . ."

"I don't know, Sora," he sighed, then shrugged, "but the truth is; right now, right at this moment . . . I just want . . .I just want . . .to be with . . .her. . . ." he sighed again, "I don't know what I'm saying. . . ."

She regarded him seriously, then spoke up again, "Are you sure, Matt? Are sure you're just not doing this out of pity? Or for yourself?"

He shook his head and shrugged. Then unable to meet her eyes anymore, stared at his toes like a guilty child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"If you really want to be with her, and I mean _really_, just to be with her . . . then I say you should go to her."

He peeked at her through his bangs, holding his breath, strangely wanting her approval and reassurance.

"But," she held up a finger, "_don't_ go because you pity her or you want to soothe your conscience. It would be unfair to her."

He lowered his ice-blue eyes and silently contemplated her words. When a few minutes passed without his answer, Sora sighed, then gave her ultimatum, "I'll give you two choices, Matt. Either you come with me into the school and forget about her, or we go home and forget about her. Either way, you won't have to worry about this. Those are your choices because you obviously can't make up your mind about Jun."

A few more moments of silence. Then Sora began walking down the steps, "I'm sorry about this, Matt. Let's go find a phone and call your dad."

"Wait." The whisper was so low, so tentative, Sora thought she had imagined it. Then the blonde-haired boy behind her spoke up again, "Wait, Sora." He ran down the steps and joined her at the bottom. He grabbed her shoulders, and Sora started in surprise at the intense light that shone in his eyes. 

"Sora. I'm sorry. It's not that I pity her or that I want to clear my conscience. I'm not worried about her because of that," he shook his head, "I _want_ to worry about her, Sora. I _want _to. I want to know if she is okay! If she is happy or sad! And I . . . I want to see her right now. I want to see her right now because I want to know her. I want to know what she's feeling! I want to know why she won't let herself be happy! I don't want to feel sorry for her and I don't! I just want . . . I just want to be with her right now!"

He closed his eyes and when he reopened them, the intensity still turned his eyes an arctic blue, but they were tinged now with doubt, "Am I wrong? Am I just trying to convince myself otherwise?"

Sora closed her eyes, smiling slightly. She shook her head softly, then stepped back.

"So what are you waiting for?"

He blinked, "Huh?"

"I asked what you were waiting for? Why don't you go? Go!"

"So you think I'm doing the right thing?"

She shook her head again, "I don't know if you are, but," her eyes softened, "after telling me something like that I'm pretty sure you would regret it if you didn't go to her right now. So go on! Shoo!"

She waved him off. He turned in a daze, barely believing what he was about to do. But slowly, as he jogged, a smile twitched the corner of his lips until it had become a wide, goofy smile. Then he couldn't take it anymore, Matt tossed back his head and laughed. Laughed, letting all the doubt of the past few days pass like whisper of warm breathe.

Jun was sprawled across her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, not allowing herself to think. She rubbed her freshly scrubbed face with the tip of one finger, stopping directly where Matt had brushed her when tucking the wisp of hair back. She turned on her side to regard the alarm clock on the side table.

_'Seven fifty-seven. I hope he's having fun.'_

She twitched when a presence came to her door, but made no other moves.

The person remained silent for a bit. She heard the shifting of feet as the person moved from one foot to another, then he finally spoke up, "Don't you have a dance or something tonight?"

"No." Jun kept her back to the person. She slowly slid a pillow closer, then clutched it like a teddy bear. _'Am I to always be pitied?'_

Davis shifted uncomfortably again, "Well, I hope you get better or somethin'. You sure haven't been yourself the last few days."

She hugged her pillow closer. _'That's because I've just realized how lonely I've been.'_

"Jun?"

". . ."

"I don't think you're really ugly."

". . ."

"And if it's because of that, well, I'm sorry. . . ."

". . .It's not you, Davis."

"It's not?"

"No," she sighed, "I'm just . . . tired. . . ."

"Oh. I'll let you go to sleep then."

He left, quietly shutting the door behind him. Jun stared at the red digits on the clock. 

_'Eight o'clock.'_

DING-DONG.

She lifted her head slightly wondering who would be here. Maybe one of Davis' friends, perhaps? She let her head drop and continued to stare sightlessly at the numbers on the clock. So engrossed was she in ignoring the world, she didn't notice the person until he was kneeling before her.

"Jun."

Her eyes widened in surprise and she shot up like a bullet. "Matt! Wha-wha-?"

He smiled. Standing up, he brushed off his dress pants and offered her a hand, "I was wondering . . . if maybe you could," he paused looking uncertain, "if maybe you could teach me how to skate again?"

She stared at him for a full minute, then finally managed to squeak out, "Now?"

He nodded firmly, confident again.

"What if you fall?" she asked dumbly.

He smiled boyishly, "I trust you to catch me, Jun."

Ten minutes later, Jun left the apartment in a daze, wondering if maybe she was hallucinating. It was only a few seconds more before she realized she had not brought her skates, and a strange litany kept running through her head, telling her she wouldn't be able to skate well without skates. She peeked at her blonde walking partner, wondering what was going through his head. Finally curiosity got the better of her.

"Why are you here, Matt?"

He glanced down at her, then looked back up at the stars, "I don't know," he frowned, "No, that's not right. To tell you the truth," he looked back at her, "I wanted to see you."

_'He wanted to see . . .'_ ". . .Me?"

He smiled wryly, "Yeah."

"But why?" Her confusion was clearly evident now.

He shrugged, "I just wanted to."

"Oh."

It was a simple word, but he could hear something subtle shifting beneath that one word. It was a small change. He barely noticed, except he saw it in her eyes. The gradual withdrawal, and silent movement of innumerable walls rising, coming between them with inevitable slowness.

Matt cast about for something to say, something to stop the unavoidable blanket beginning to cocoon the bright, vivacious girl next to him. He opened his mouth several times, prepared to say anything. In the end, he panicked. And did the only thing he could think of.

He kissed her.

She flinched in surprise and her eyes were still wide with shock when he released her slowly.

Matt drew back in dismay, but strangely felt no regrets.

"Listen, Jun!" his voice was low and urgent, "I don't know why you do this to yourself. I don't know what you're thinking, but I meant what I said! I didn't come here because I felt sorry for you or because I wanted to make myself feel good! I just wanted to be here! To be your friend!"

"Well," her voice came out breathless, "I don't think friends give each other kisses like that!"

"Yeah, well, I panicked," he bore his gaze into hers, refusing to let her look away, "Why do you do this, Jun? Why do you keep yourself hidden behind that damn annoying mask of yours?! Is it because of what happened two years ago? Because if it is, let me tell you, you had it right! It was all your fault!"

She blinked rapidly, then glared up at the blonde boy, "What does it matter to you anyway? I know how you feel about me so why are you even bothering yourself with me?!"

"Because I'm worried, that's why! And I want to know why you started doing this?! Pushing away everyone?!"

"What do you know, Ishida Yamato?! What do you know about me at all?!" She closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears away.

Seeing this, Matt paused to calm himself down. Then much more softly he asked again, "Why, Jun? Why do you do this to yourself?"

She turned away from him.

"Please, Jun. I need to know."

"Why do you need to know, Matt?" her voice was quiet, "Why do you need to know?"

"Because I . . . want to be your friend," he thought about how she'd look at the pond, how she'd taken his breath away with just an unguarded moment. "And maybe . . . maybe . . ." _'something more. . . .'_

She sniffed. Her head slowly lowered and she covered her face with her hands. Matt drew up behind then slowly embraced her. Turning in his arms, she rested her head on his shoulder and burrowed into the warm embrace and poignant release he offered. She sobbed brokenly.

"Because it hurt, Matt. It hurt more than anything. I was so unfair to them. All I thought about was my skating. I was so unfair to them! I didn't deserve their friendship, but I still wanted it! And it was easier! It was easier to just be alone! But then that got too hard, too!"

She continued to sob. Her tears glinting in the moonlight like hot diamonds before softly splashing on the cold ground below. 

"I didn't know what to do. I don't want to be alone, but . . . but when they make you happy, it's worse when they begin to hate you."

He remained silent, just stroking her hair, closing his eyes in pain for the sad brown eyes of the girl he held in his arms.

She began whispering now, "And it was easier just not to feel anything. Nothing mattered. Sadness and being hurt, they didn't last. And happiness comes and goes just as quickly, so it really didn't matter. But I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted . . . I wanted . . . Then it got so hard not to be like that. But I still wanted . . . "

Matt pulled her closer.

". . .to be with someone. . . ." she let the last words sigh past her lips and buried her face into the warmth of Matt's neck.

And when the tears of the past two years were spent, he still held her, giving silent words, which reassured her. 

She gave a small sigh, "Thank-you, Matt, for being a friend." 

Author's Notes (aka rants): Okay first thing I want to address is _why_ the heck did I write this one shot in my precious free time when I _could_ have been working on my other two stories that have, like what, one chapter and a prologue? And I know that will probably be years before I finish? (I really don't know about that last question. Who knows? They may be finished in the second chapter. Heh-heh.) 

Well to answer the first question, I wrote this fic because it was _INTERFERING WITH MY OTHER STORIES!_ That is, I mean to say that every time I sat down to continue my other stories, the storyline for this fic would pop up in my head, _refusing_ to go away, kinda like an irritating gnat or a certain bratty brother. Then I saw Yama's Bi-atch's contest and I thought, 'Hey, change the story in your head here and tweak it there and you've got a Christmas Romance!' (By the way, I think Yama's Bi-atch's dialogues are great!) And well, I'm still working on my other stories, _slowly_. So if anyone who is reading this and have read my other stories, and is patiently waiting for me to get them out, well . . . I'm sorry to say, it's gonna be awhile.

_Why Jun? _Because I felt like it. . . . and because there was just so much Jun bashing stories on FFN, I felt that she needed a break. Plus, I didn't think she was all that bad. . . . Of course I haven't seen all the episodes of Digimon, Season 01 or 02 and I've only seen one episode with Jun in it.

And finally, I need to point out that I'm not a good romance writer and this story was originally intended to be only about Jun, but after seeing Yama's Bi-atch's contest rules, I decided to change it a little and make it a romance. At least . . . I _think_ it's a romance and I _think_ it's christmasy enough. *Sweatdrop*


End file.
